Still Maura
by aretez
Summary: [Based in the movie Still Alice] "The intelligence that once defined me, now is gone. I'm not only losing cognitive capacities or memories, I'm also losing my identity; losing myself."
1. Chapter 1

**A.N.: **This is story is based in the movie "Still Alice", which you all should watch because it's great (or read the book). This first chapter comes as an introduction of the story. The actual plot it's going to start in the next chapter. I hope you like it.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the chararcters in this story, or the story that this one is based on. All of that is the property of their rightful owners, and are not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.

* * *

"Good morning" a soft voice sounded, as delicate hands start to move the covers off the bed. "You should get up Jane, otherwise we are going to be late for Valentino's game" Jane growls, but more as a reflection, not from discomfort. She wouldn't miss one of theirs son's game for nothing in the world, any less for just sleeping two more hours.

"What time is it?" she asked with a raspy voice as she got up from bed. "It's 9.30. I didn't want to wake you up sooner; you looked so peaceful while you were sleeping" Maura replayed. "Of course I was. How wouldn't I be if I know that when woke up I have you and tino". Their lips met, but just for a quick peck. "I think I'm going to get a shower, wanna join me?" the brunette asked with a smirk. "No, thanks babe" Maura responds, "I already showered, and I have to help Valentino get ready". "Ok, I'll be quick, then" Jane added as she headed to the bathroom.

Half an hour later, the Rizzoli – Isles family was ready to leave the house to assist to Tino's game. "Are you nervous sweetie?" Maura said to her son while she finished buttoning up his jacket. "No mummy, I am excited" he was indeed, excited for his first official baseball game. "Hey, that's a really hard world, Tino. Well done" she beamed as she got up.

Jane's hands wrapped her wife's waist from behind "There you are buddy. Are we ready to go?" she asked Valentino. "Yes mum" he replayed joyful. "Ok, let's go then" she added as she let go of Maura to open the door for her family.

* * *

The drive to the baseball field had been quick, and they had made it in time to get the best places to see their son play.

They sat next to each other as they watched the game. Maura had her head leaning in Jane's shoulder, and her hands were around her. They both had smiles on their faces, as they looked how their son and his friends played.

The blonde broke the silence they were holding, as she lifted her head to watch Jane's eyes. "Do you remember when we found out I was pregnant?" Jane smile grew bigger, and as an instantly reflect, her eyes became brighter. "Of course I do, how could I forget?" She laughed softly". It was one of the happiest moments of my life." Jane remained silence as the memories seemed to come back to life in her mind. "The thing I remember most about that moment is your smile, you know? It was so blazing, so radiant. In that moment, I think I fell in love with you all over again, and just hoped that our baby had that smile."

After saying that, she closed the gap between them, and kissed Maura. She always thought about how connected she felt with Maura when they kissed, it was a feeling that went farther than what words could explain, and this kiss wasn't the exception. After breaking away from the kiss, they rested their foreheads together. "Now, do you mind telling me why that big brain of yours was thinking about that?" Jane whispered softly.

"I was just thinking that I never thought that I was going to be able to feel so much happiness again" Maura paused as she held back the tears that were threating to fall from her eyes. "But I realized that I was wrong. Waking up next to you or seeing how Tino grows, how content he is every time he learns something new, or that he plays with us; those things make me happy. Happier than I've ever been". The brunette looked at those hazel eyes that reflected so much love and affection. She cupped Maura's face in her hands, and couldn't resist kissing her again. But they ended the kiss when they heard the clapping and cheering from the grades. As they turned to see what had happened in the game, they saw how their son hit his first home run, and in that moment Jane realized, that Maura was right. She couldn't be happier.

* * *

After the game was over and receiving several congratulations on how well their son had played, they decided to go out for lunch to celebrate the win.

At the dirty robber they ordered burgers, but only after Maura had made very clear that it was just because that day was a very special occasion. It wasn't usual that kids went to the dirty robber, but Valentino always wanted to go there. Everybody in the bar knew the Rizzoli – Isles family, and they treated him very nicely. Most of the cops that went to that place after work, had known him since he was a little baby; and had been witnesses of how his mother had fell in love.

As they ate, he was talking nonstop about the game and how great it had fell when he hit the homerun. "I know buddy, I was the same age you are now when I hit my first home run" Jane told him as she swallowed the biggest bite of burger a human could have. "Really mum, you played baseball too?" he asked, surprised for this revelation. "Of course! Where do you think I learned everything I taught you?" She said as she pretended to be offended by the commentary "I used to play with your uncles, and…" she stopped as she remembered her father, and felt something breaking inside her once again. Jane went silence, and the happiness that was in her face seemed to disappear. "And, what mum?" he insisted. Maura hold Jane's hands under the table, and she replied sweetly "And your grandfather, sweetie." Valentino understood what that meant, and he didn't ask any more about that subject.

He was only 5 years old, but he knew that asking about his grandfather made his family dismal. His grandma would cry when she talked about him, and his mothers, would look heartbroken. What he didn't know about, was the fight that Frank and Jane had had when she told him that she was in love with Maura. That was the reason because he didn't know Frank.

The silence of the table was broken by the ringing of cellphones. "Rizzoli" "Isles" they responded. "Ok, I'll be there" "Yes I'll be there as soon as I can".

Suddenly, their family lunch was over.

* * *

**A.N: **In case anyone was wondering why I chose the name Valentino, it is because of it's meaning. It means brave, and it's an italian name.


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N.: **Ok, so here begins the actual story. If any one has a tip/concern/correction to make me, feel free to do it. I hope you like this chapter

* * *

"Dr. Maura Isles. Chief medical examiner" she announced as she went inside the house. It was a big white house, located at the north end of Boston. Jane was already inside it, examining the crime scene were a dead woman laid.

Maura kneeled next to the body and started to analyze what she was seeing. "What do we have?" The detective asked while she got closer to where she was. "Twenty-two-years-old female. Has what it seems to be a gunshot wound in her parietal bone, near the lambdoid suture**." **She stated "Any guess on the caliber?" Jane asked, already knowing what the answer would be, but testing her luck anyway. "Jane, you know that I don't like to guess. I can tell you more about the wound after doing the autopsy. But I feel comfortable to say, basing myself on the rigor mortis and the state of..." she paused as she couldn't remember the word that she wanted to say. The concept was clear in her mind, but it was like the word had vanished from her vocabulary.

"Hey, are you ok?" Jane said as she put her hand in her wife's shoulder, pulling her out of her thoughts. "Yes, I am" Maura added as she shook her head "I just can remember the word that I want to say". She got up with the help of the detective. "It's ok, it will come back later. So, what were you saying?" "Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I estimate that the time of death is approximately, 24 hours."

* * *

The M.E. took of her gloves as she gave instructions to the forensic technicians that had to keep working on the crime scene. The autopsy was going to be done on Monday morning so she decided that she was going to wait for Jane and they could go home together.

After waiting ten more minutes, Jane got out of the house as well, and they walked were the car was parked. "Are you ok, Maur?" Jane asked as she took her hand in hers, and gave it a little squeeze. "I just keep thinking about the word. I can't make it come back to my head." Her voice showed a little bit of concern. "Hey, that's what happens with age. 41 is pretty old" Jane joked and a little smile on her wife's lips formed. "You know I'm a year older than you are, right?" "Not whole one, just 8 months" The brunette opened the car door for Maura, and before she got inside the car, she gave her a sweet little kiss, as to close the joke.

They drove in silence the few blocks that separated the north end of Boston from their house in Beacon Hill. Jane noticed how Maura caressed her lower lip with her fingers, like every time she did when she brooded over something. She knew that she was thinking about that word, and that she wouldn't let it go until she remembered it.

Suddenly, Maura exclaimed happily, making Jane jump a little from her seat "Coagulation! To cause transformation of a liquid into a soft semisolid or solid mass." The detective looked at her as if she had just transformed into a dictionary "So that was the world?" she asked "Yes. I wanted to say the state of coagulation of the blood" her voice showed so much relief, that it actually made Jane happy as well about the situation. "See, told ya' it was coming back".

* * *

When they arrived home, Angela was playing with Valentino in the living room. "Hey ma, we're home" Jane shouted as she took her coat off, and put her gun in a safe place. Little feet came running to where they were standing.

"Hi, baby, did you miss us?" Maura said as she picked him up. "Yes, but I was playing with nonna" she kissed his cheek, putting him down in the couch and sitting next to him. "Oh, and what were you two doing?" "We were solving the new puzzle you bought" Angela replayed as she came from behind the kitchen counter. "Which one?" she said, clearly not remembering buying it. "The one that you got him last week; that has a lion face printed on the box?" The blonde seemed clueless, and even watching the game half solved on the table, she couldn't remember even seeing it before, less even buying it.

"Hey, what's up?" Jane asked sitting next to her, and putting her hand in her knee. "I don't remember buying this puzzle for Tino" she replayed as she took her eyes away from the object in question. "Yeah, you got it last week from that place near the BPD that sells the educative games."

Maura seemed very worried; she never forgot things, and even less, things that were related to her son. She couldn't understand how she could forget something that had been so little time ago. "Don't worry, honey. It's ok if you forgot. You have been working a lot lately. I'm sure that it is because of that." Angela said, trying to make her daughter-in-law a little better. "Yeah, I'm sure that it's because of that" Jane added.

"Yes, it could be a reaction to the stress. It can interference with a person's capacity to encode memory and the ability to retrieve information" Maura stated, but she didn't seem very convinced by her own worlds. "I think I'm going to take a shower" she said as she got up, and headed up stairs.

After Maura left, Angela sat next to her daughter and watched how Valentino kept trying to resolve the puzzle and how her daughter watched him. "Is everything ok, Janie?" she asked, breaking the silence. She could see that her daughter's face didn't reflect the same peace that usually did while she was watching her son. "Yes, I just think she is tired." Jane made a pause and considered if it was relevant to tell her mother about what had happened early that day, but she decided against it; "We have been working a lot lately, and she always takes care of Tino when I work late. I'm sure that she just needs to rest." Jane didn't want to make a big deal about this situation; but she was going to pay attention to see if this kept going.

* * *

That night, Maura didn't sleep. She kept looking for the memory of her buying her son a gift in her mind, but she couldn't find it. It was as if that moment had been ripped off her mind completely. She knew that this time, that memory wouldn't come back, as the word had done.


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N.:** Ok. I just wanted to say that I will try not to rush this story and try to give it the time that it needs to develop, and be the most acurate possible. This chapter doesn't dive to much in the actual plot, but it's necesary to do so.

Also I wanted to thank all of you that are reading this story for being, following me in this "journey", and being so supportive. Thanks for all the reviews and the tips, they mean a lot to me, and actually help with my writting.

Well, I'm done. Hope you enjoy this!

* * *

Their bedroom was peaceful, like those calm moments just before the storm. Only the soft chirping of the birds could be heard in the dawn. That shy sunlight that was coming back to life began to slip from the curtains and hit Maura's face. Those warm rays of light took away the last trails of sleep that were in her, but that wasn't a very difficult task. Sleep hadn't been good that previous night; it had only come to her somewhere around three in the morning.

Now the eminent sound of the alarm in her phone, made her move quickly to deactivate it so it wouldn't wake Jane. She took her phone in her hand, and unlocked it. Searching fast in the app drawer, she found the clock and took off the alarm.

"It's still early" she thought. 5.36 showed the screen, in bright white numbers. Right under it, as background, there was a picture of her family. She smiled at it. They were in the backyard of their house. She was sitting in a wicker chair with Valentino in her lap; he was only 3 years old in that picture. Behind her was Jane, she was hugging both while she placed a kiss the top of Maura's head.

She remembered that day perfectly, as she looked at her phone. It had been a 4th of July, only two years ago. All of their family had been there; Frankie, Tommy, Korsak, Frost, Angela, Constance, and even Hope and Caitlin. They had organized a barbecue at night where they ate, drank, and had a lot of fun. The night had ended with a show of fireworks. What she remembered most about that day, was kissing Jane under the artificial illuminated sky; she had felt as if the firecrackers were exploding inside her.

As she came back from the memory, she got up and headed to the bathroom. Maura looked herself in the mirror after turning on the shower. Only two dark circles under her eyes, perturbed her usual look. Her hair was put in a loose ponytail, but she let it down. The blonde stripped off from her pajamas, and after taking one last look of herself in the mirror, she went inside the shower.

The hot water splashing her body helped her to relax. She remained still, with her head leaning in the cold wall. Her skin was turning red, and the water was becoming too hot to bear, but she didn't care; she liked it. Sleep was now coming back to her, and in that moment, Maura wished she had some time to sleep; but it was too late for that now. She stepped out from under the hot water, and after opening the cold one a little bit, she began to wash herself.

After half an hour Maura was out of the shower. She wrapped herself in a towel and got out of the bathroom. In the bedroom she expected to see Jane still sleeping, but she wasn't in the bed. The clock in her nightstand showed 6.38, so she went inside her walk in closet, to get dressed for work.

* * *

Maura came down the stairs to the smell of hot coffee and pancakes. "There you are" Jane said happily as she saw her walk inside the kitchen. "Good morning, sweetie" she replayed as she got closer to her so she could kiss her. "Coffee or tea?" her wife asked her while she grabbed a cup from the cupboard. "Tea" Maura answered. This kind of routine was one of the things she loved most from the day. The peaceful moment before Valentino was awake, where she and Jane could talk about anything that they wanted, or just be in silence while they shared beverages and newspapers.

"You got up early today" Jane said while she finished making breakfast and served it. "Yeah" Maura replayed. She took a sip from her tea, and continued "I didn't get much sleep last night". The brunette took one of Maura's hands in hers. "Is everything ok, maur? You know you can tell me anything" she said looking into her eyes. "I know" the blonde gave a little squeeze to the hand that was holding hers. "I'm fine. I am just a little tired, that's all."

She sounded sincere, but a part of her still couldn't believe what she was saying. "I'm sorry I worried you yesterday" that part she believed it; and she did it with all her heart. Jane smiled a little, and leaned in for a kiss. She cupped Maura's face in her scarred hand, and whispered "It's ok. I love you" The M.E. replayed the only way that she knew to those words "I love you more."

* * *

After going out of the house, and leaving their son in kindergarten, Maura and Jane drove to the BDP's headquarters. They had to start the investigation on the case that they had been called on the day before. The autopsy was still pending, and Jane and the rest of the time had still to identify the victim.

Maura parked in her reserved spot, and they got out of the car. They walked hand in hand to the garage elevator.

"Do you want to have lunch together?" Maura asked as they got closer to Jane's floor. "Let me see how work is, and I tell you. Ok?" "Ok, see you later" she added as the elevator doors closed.

* * *

Down in the autopsy room, Maura changed into her black scrubs. She took her hair, and put it in a quick braid. The M.E. took a big breath, and absorbed the peace that her work place held.

Some other doctors used to listen to music or the T.V while they worked; but she didn't do that. Maura believed that those victims deserved respect, and they should be honored with peace. Peace that most of the times, had been absent in the moment of their death.

She took her voice recorder from one of the draws, pressed play on it, and started to work. "November 23th, 2014. I'm Dr. Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner of the commonwealth of Massachusetts, and I'll be performing the autopsy on the Jane Doe number 586. She is a Caucasian woman, with ginger hair; in her middle twenty's. 5'7'' and 116.9 pounds."

She stopped as she took the scalpel in her hands. "Now, I'll proceed to perform the Y incision."

* * *

Four hours later, Maura had been able to determinate the cause of dead of Leticia, who Jane had identify as such thanks to her fingerprints. She had received shot in her parietal bone but that wasn't fatal; she had bled to death.

After giving that information to Jane, and checking on the crime lab work, Maura went to her office. She sat in her desk, and lay back in her chair. She took a look at her clock. It was 4.23, so that meant that she still had some more time to work in the case.

She started to write the preliminary report on the autopsy that she had just performed. Today, all of the words seem to be stacked in her brain, like they always were; and flowed easily in her hands as she typed. That fact made her more at ease about what had happened the day before.

Once she was done writing it, she decided to do some research about the theory that she held about what had happened with her memory yesterday. Maura spent hours reading in internet and in some medicine books she had in her office. She already knew the information that she was reading, but she wanted to confirm it before she made a definitive diagnosis on herself.

After doing that research and arriving to a solid theory, Maura decided to make a phone call. "Office of Dr. Stevens, how can I help you?" the voice on the other side of the line asked. "Hello, I'm Doctor Maura Isles and I would like to book an appointment with Dr. Stevens as soon as you can, please."


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N: I'm sorry for the waiting. I've been very bussy lately and having trouble beating the white page. I know this chapter is really short, and isn't very good, but I don't want to rush the story, and this was the best way to shape what I had in mind. I promiss next chapters will be far more interesting.**

* * *

Dr. Stevenson had been Maura's doctor for over fifteen years; he knew her well. Maura always went to see him twice a year, to do the usual checkup; but never asked for another appointment during the year. Not once in all this time, so he knew that something had to be wrong with her.

That morning Maura came in looking as put together as she always did. Her green dress and stiletto shoes helped her masking the tension in her. Sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office was making her anxious and suddenly she found herself wishing that Jane was there to hold her hand. "I should have told her" she thought. Regretting that she hadn't, she took her phone out of her purse.

Maura unlocked it, and dialed Jane's number. As she waited for her wife to pick up, Dr. Stevenson came out of his office "Miss Isles, Come in please" he said as he gesture her inside with his hand. She hung up and got up.

"Hello doctor" Maura said as she shook his hand. She knew that he could feel the sweating in her hand.

"Hello. How's the family?" he asked as he sat down the desk. He thought that some small talk would help Maura relax a little.

"They're fine." She looked at her ring and a little smile came out of her lips. "Jane is at work and Valentino at school. Thanks for asking."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. Now, can you tell me what made you come today?" His voice now sounding more serious than before.

"I came here because I've been having trouble with my memory lately." she was serious now as well. Her tension had disappeared, and her cold mask was on. It seem like she was detaching from this talk, like it was someone else she was talking about.

"Oh" the doctor exclaimed surprised "and how's that?"

"Well, two weeks ago I forgot the word coagulation while I was at work but then it came back. But that same day, I was talking with my mother-in-law about a puzzle that I apparently bought for my son, but I don't remember doing it."

"I see. And apart from that did you experience any other unusual symptom?" the doctor asked as he typed this into Maura's medical record.

"I have been suffering from insomnia this last weeks." She paused as she tried to remember any other unusual symptom. "But only that." she added finally.

"And have you been having your period as usual?" he asked her lifting his eyes from the keyboard.

"Yes, as usual; last one was 3 weeks ago. Regular in date, with the usual flow and duration. Do you think that it may be related to my menstrual cycle?"

"Look" he said as he crossed his arms over the desk "you know that this could be related to hundreds of things, so I think that the best way to approach this is going from the simpler answers to the more complex ones."

"Yes, I agree with that." Maura said as she leaned more into the chair she was sitting in "So would be the next course of action then?"

"I would like to discard that this may be caused by perimenopause. Your memory loss and insomnia are common symptoms for this, and your age fits the criteria for a diagnosis. I know that you hadn't any issues with your last periods but this could be the begging of perimenopause. "

Maura completely understood what Dr. Stevenson was saying, but she wasn't convinced by his words. She didn't usually trusted her intuitions over the medical and scientific facts; she could feel that what was happening to her was something more serious that menopause coming.

"So how do you confirm this diagnosis?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"I'd like to do blood tests to check your estrogen and hormones levels. It would be better to do several ones during the week so we can compare the results, and have a more secure answer." He finished his sentence as he wrote the same down in a paper that he handed to Maura once he was done. "Ok?" he asked kindly.

"Yes, doctor." She replayed as she got up.

"So that's all." Dr. Stevenson got up and followed Maura to the office's door. "I'll see you in a week." They shook hands, and she got out.

* * *

The cold air hit Maura's face as she stepped outside the Mass General, but she liked it. It made her feel grounded. With her hands in her pockets she walked to her car.

Once she was inside it, she took her phone out of her purse. The blond took her phone out of her purse and hit the first number in her quick dial.

After some tones, Jane picked up. "Hey, Maur" She sounded happy, as she always did when she took Maura's calls

"Hey" she replayed letting a sigh out. Hearing Jane helped her loose some of the tension that was in her.

"Where are you?" Jane asked her wife.

"I'm in the Mass General" the M.E. replayed. "Don't worry, I'm fine." She added, before her wife worried.

"Is everything ok, sweetie?" the answer carried evident concern. "Is Tino ok?

"Yes, Jane. Everything is ok." She knew that that wasn't entirely true. "Could we meet for lunch? Maura added.

"Sure. Want me to pick you up somewhere?" Jane asked, still a bit worried.

"No, it's ok." She paused. "Let's meet at the Dirty Robber."

"Ok. Love ya" Jane replayed and the call was finished.


End file.
